she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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