In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
