I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
