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I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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