dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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