Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Randomize
