Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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