So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Randomize
