Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
