So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
