I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
