If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
