I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
