they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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