he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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