so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
