Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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