im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
