I molested 6 butterflies tonight
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
