DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
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