She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
