Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
