no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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