yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
