This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
