so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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