12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
