Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!�
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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