why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
