No awkward lesbian experiences without me
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
