I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
