I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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