good thing vaginas are great cup holders
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
FUCK WHALES
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
