hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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