Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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