Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Randomize
