sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I'm determined to sit on that face.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
