you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
smell my finger.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
