I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
