no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
