Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
