i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Randomize
