Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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