Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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