So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
