I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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