Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
