My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
