haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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