Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Slut skills are useful in every country.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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