Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Randomize
