I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
