i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
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